


let me go

by tkreyesevandiaz



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bombs, Buckley-Diaz family, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, Dad Evan "Buck" Buckley, Established Relationship, Found Family, Gen, Hurt Evan "Buck" Buckley, Hurt/Comfort, I think this is whump?, Kidnapping, M/M, Married Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Mentions of Chase Mackey, Mentions of Dark Anger, Missing Persons, Not Beta Read, Pain, Protective Eddie Diaz, Tags Contain Spoilers, Tumblr Prompt, Worried Eddie Diaz, descriptions of injuries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 18:28:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22980232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tkreyesevandiaz/pseuds/tkreyesevandiaz
Summary: For the first time since he met him, he wasn’t sure where Buck was, and it was driving him insane. His shift ended three hours later than Eddie on Tuesdays, and today, he had texted saying that he was going to pick up groceries.After that, he hadn’t returned back home.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Original Character(s)
Comments: 43
Kudos: 641





	let me go

**Author's Note:**

> Hello!
> 
> This was in response to a prompt I took from @jellyfishinc on Tumblr! I had to switch the prompt up to fit the logistics but I hope you like this! Definitely one of the most angst I've written in a minute. Naturally, this got away from me and it's now 8000+ words! Yay!
> 
> This is not beta-read, all mistakes are mine! <3 
> 
> TW: descriptions of bombs, mentions of dark anger, whump
> 
> Enjoy!

Eddie felt like he was floating. 

For the first time since he met him, he wasn’t sure where Buck was, and it was driving him _insane_. His shift ended three hours later than Eddie on Tuesdays, and today, he had texted saying that he was going to pick up groceries.

After that, he hadn’t returned back home. 

At first, Eddie thought he’d gone to the park to clear his head; perhaps his shift had been overwhelming in a way that couldn’t be solved by falling into the arms of your husband and son. They both had to do that sometimes, and now that Eddie wasn’t a single parent anymore, he took advantage of that luxury as well. He’d just assumed Buck had done the same thing, not wanting to drag the horrors of the day into their home.

It tipped him off when dinner time rolled around, with no sign of Buck and a growing knot of apprehension in his stomach. Then movie time came around, and still no Buck. Eddie left thirty missed calls, a plethora of texts, voicemails (some even by Christopher) but all of them went unanswered.

Christopher hadn’t said anything but Eddie had caught him glancing at the clock on the mantle multiple times as they sat down to idly watch a movie. Eddie couldn’t even stop him, because he had been shifting his attention to the clock, to the door, to the driveway. Anything that would give him a hint of where his husband was.

He toyed with his phone, contemplating calling the rest of the 118, or at the very least, Athena to ask about Buck’s whereabouts. But he hadn’t wanted to freak anyone out just in case Buck would come back.

As Eddie tucked Christopher in, the kid had finally made eye contact with him for the first time since Eddie had told him that Papa was running a little late for dinner. “Daddy, where’s Papa?”

Tears were glimmering in his grey eyes, and he seemed to be holding his breath as he waited for Eddie’s answer.

For a horrible moment, Eddie had wanted to lie and just do something to make Christopher not worry. Maybe forge a letter from “Buck” saying that he was going away for a few days, or anything that would stop Chris from _worrying_. But he knew that he’d break his son’s heart and trust with that. It wasn’t fair to lie about such a big thing to seemingly protect him. At ten years old, he was more mature than most.

“I don’t know, bud,” he settled on the full truth. Chris closed his eyes as he fell forward onto his father’s chest, sobs wracking his little body. Somehow, Chris had drawn the conclusion that Buck was missing. Eddie held their son close and cupped the back of his head as his heart pounded with fear and panic. Briefly, he noted the glinting of his wedding band on the fingers weaved through Christopher’s curls, finding the image to only throw his fear into overdrive.

He let Christopher cry a little before pulling back to talk to him softly. “I’ll find him, okay? Don’t worry, buddy. It’s going to be alright.” 

“I trust you, Daddy. But Papa never does this, where could he be?” That was true. Even when he and Eddie argued and needed a little space from each other, Buck _always_ made it a point to let them know where he was, especially Christopher. And Eddie was the same way.

“He probably needed to clear his head. You know how rough the job gets sometimes,” Eddie managed to force through a dry throat. “I know you’re worried about Papa, but we’ll find him, okay? You have school tomorrow, buddy, let's try to sleep, is that alright with you?”

“Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?” Christopher’s voice was small and made Eddie’s heart clench painfully in his chest. He nodded, not trusting himself to speak and quickly grabbed his phone before lying down with their son.

Christopher wrapped himself around Eddie like an octopus, burying his face into the threadbare T-shirt that coincidentally was Buck’s. A damp spot proved that he was trying to hide his tears from Eddie.

As Eddie smoothed a hand down his back, he rocked the boy back and forth. Once he was sure that Chris was asleep, he slipped out from his hold and settled him back on the pillows and comforter. Eddie fetched a washcloth to wipe Chris’ face as he dialed Carla’s number. 

“Carla? Hi, sorry for calling you so late, but could you come stay with Christopher?” He explained the situation to her, only barely managing to keep his voice from cracking.

As soon as Carla’s car pulled up, Eddie was flinging the door open, rattling off a list of emergency numbers and instructions as his truck keys trembled in his hands, more out of habit than anything else.

“Eddie, Eddie!” Carla shook him not-so-gently, looking him straight in the eye to put across her point. “I need you to breathe.”

Slowly, he followed her instructions and breathed in a lungful of cold air.

“Now, Buck’s going to be fine. That boy has a spine made of steel. If you’re panicked, you’re not going to be able to find him,” she explained firmly. Giving him one of her famous hugs, she patted his shoulder. “Go, but be careful. Don’t worry about Christopher, I’ve got this.”

Eddie willed himself to calm down as he climbed into his truck and tore down the driveway.

He scoured every single grocery store and park in a 30 mile radius from their home and the firehouse, looking at all possible places Buck could’ve been. With each spot, his hope diminished severely. 

Eddie even checked all hospitals he could, looking for Evan Buckley-Diaz. He checked under the names Evan Buckley, Evan Diaz, gave descriptors, but no one had seen him. Every time he passed by his neighborhood, he stopped to see if Buck’s car was in the driveway. Though, if Buck had come home, Carla would’ve called him immediately.

After searching nearly all of LA, Eddie sat in his truck and finally let himself cry. He was _terrified_ out of his goddamn mind as to where Buck was. Not being able to find him only made it worse, and suddenly, he couldn’t breathe.

Bracing his hands tightly on the steering wheel, he lowered his head and tried to suck in some air. Worse and worse thoughts swirled around in his mind. It was only by sheer willpower that he managed to calm himself down enough to call Maddie’s number.

As her groggy voice resounded over the phone, Eddie involuntarily let out a choked sound that probably had her sitting up straight in bed. “Eddie? What’s wrong?”

“Is Buck there?” 

“No, why would he be? Did you guys have a fight?”

Slowly, he relayed the entire evening. A glance at the clock told him it was 3:30 in the morning. He’d spent _seven hours_ looking through LA to find Buck, all to no avail. “I can’t find him anywhere, Maddie. We haven’t fought in weeks, and he said he was coming home right after grabbing a few groceries but it’s been _hours_ and he’s still not home.”

There was a deafening silence for a few minutes before Maddie came back on the line.

“Did you call Athena?” Her voice was shaky, but as strong as steel. Her ‘nurse voice’ as Buck fondly called it.

“I’m about to right now.” 

“Where are you right now?” her gentle voice prodded. Eddie blinked, holding the phone tighter to his ear as he glanced outside his window. He was sitting in a parking lot of a mom-and-pop supermarket that had a few lights on its nameplate flickering, and inside, he could see employees cleaning and closing up for the night. 

The flash of a red back-light near the back wall of the store shouldn’t have caught his eye but it did. And so did the last three digits of the license plate.

With his heart in his throat, and Maddie’s voice ringing in his ears, Eddie jumped out of his truck and broke into a dead sprint towards the back. “ _No…_ ”

“Eddie? Eddie?!” Maddie’s voice came frantically through the speaker of the phone but Eddie was rooted in spot, staring at the very familiar Jeep. Distantly, he heard Chimney ask what was wrong in a sleepy voice.

“I found his car. Maddie, call Athena. I’m sending you my location, tell her to get here fast.” Without waiting for another answer, he sent his sister-in-law his location and stepped towards the clearly abandoned vehicle.

His mind shifted into veteran-first-responder mode as he surveyed the scene. He knew he had to wait for Athena, so he kept himself at a far distance from the car just as Athena’s police cruiser pulled up, sirens blaring and lights flashing red and blue across the scene.

Eddie stayed rooted in spot until he heard Bobby’s voice in his ears.

* * *

“Eddie, can you hear me?” Bobby urged him to sit down and watched the young man stare straight at Buck’s Jeep, seemingly not listening to a single word he was saying.

“Buck…” Eddie turned teary eyes on Bobby, sending a flash of pain and apprehension through him. Falling silent, he turned to watch his wife work, her face creasing in concentration and worry as they searched the scene for any clues for Buck’s whereabouts.

“Buck is going to be fine. He’s pulled through everything, and we’ll find him.”

“He never does this, Bobby. We haven’t had an argument, he was happy when he left the station, although he was tired. I can’t think of anything, save the worst case scenarios, that could have him just disappear like this. He _always_ makes it a point to let us know where he is.” It hurt to see the ex-army man look so defeated.

Bobby was calling on all his self-control to keep himself sane. Buck was pretty much his pseudo-son, and he didn’t have it in him to lose him. It was more than someone on his squad; the 118 was a family, pure and simple.

It took one look at Athena’s gentle face for Bobby to know what was wrong. “Eddie, how are you holding up?” Her voice was strong but the way she slipped her hand in Bobby’s and held tightly told volumes. 

“Where is he?” He dodged the question, looking up at the two of them with bloodshot eyes.

“I need you to come to the station to lodge a missing persons report. There needs to be an investigation.”

The words rocked Bobby’s world but Eddie looked like his universe had shattered around him. Athena squatted down next to him to throw an arm around his shoulders, her other hand pulling Bobby down. “There’s evidence of foul play, and this is not going to be a regular missing persons investigation. I need you to understand what I’m saying before we go to the station.”

“What evidence?” he whispered, clutching Athena’s arm. Bobby watched carefully as Eddie’s face became a blank mask. Athena hesitated, conflict clear in her expressions about telling Eddie the extent of the proof.

“There’s a few smudges of blood on the vehicle doors, his phone is in the car, although the screen is cracked. Evidence of struggle. We’ve taken a few prints and a couple of samples of the blood too.” Bobby got the feeling that there was still something she wasn’t telling them. “We’re going to get to the bottom of this, Eddie.”

“Did someone kidnap him?”

“I don’t know, but the evidence points squarely in that direction. That’s why we need a formal report lodged, with all the descriptors you can give us. We’re going to raise hell to get Buck back to our family, but right now, there’s not much more we can do right now, besides filing the report and sending out a team to investigate.”

“Okay.” Eddie scrubbed a hand down his face, his ring glowing from the sun that was now peeping through the trees. Maddie, Chimney, Hen and Karen were now huddled together on the far corner, Maddie staring blankly at her brother’s Jeep. “Okay, let’s go.” 

In all the time Bobby had known him, he’d never seen Eddie look so lost. Not since Bobby had sat him down and talked to him about the street fighting. Back then, he’d been angry and frustrated, perhaps at the new barrier that had been thrown up between him and Buck. Now, he’d thrown up every single wall that the 118 had worked to make him bring down, leaving his face a mask of pure cold defeat. 

No matter how much Bobby would struggle with Buck having been potentially kidnapped, he knew that his pain wouldn’t be an iota of Eddie and Christopher’s. The two may have been a unit long before Buck came along but without Buck...this would absolutely kill them.

As he watched Eddie wearily climb into his truck, he thought to himself that the only thing he could do right now was pray for all of them, and pray for them to find Buck.

* * *

It had been only a mere three days since Buck had gone missing, but Eddie felt like he’d aged three centuries in that time.

Athena had put out a city-wide alert for the kidnapping of a firefighter with Buck’s description, and her friend Detective Marx and his team were working around the clock to find him. The Adult Missing Persons Unit was also involved in the case. 

Maddie and him had pasted up flyers with the most recent picture of Buck they could find, while Chim and Hen had distributed photos of him to hospitals and other fire stations. All of them had texted literally everyone they knew with digital flyers to _please_ give them any information they could about Buck’s disappearance.

All of LA was on a lookout for anyone that had seen Buck, but somehow, Eddie still didn’t think it was enough.

Nothing would be enough until he had Buck back in his arms.

Every time he took a look at the picture of a smiling Buck on the flyer, his heart ached something fierce. The birthmark stood out starkly on his face, his blue eyes shining brightly as he grinned at the camera. He was clad in a black button-down that stretched across broad shoulders and blue jeans.

The photo was from Maddie and Chim’s engagement party a few weeks ago. Eddie hadn’t wanted to put a photo of all three of them, he didn’t want to run the risk of someone mistaking him or Christopher for Buck. Coincidentally, this had been the only photo available of just him.

The hardest thing Eddie ever had to do was tell Chris that his Papa was missing. He tried to avoid the gory details, but he’d watched his son’s eyes widen in fear for his Papa before his face crumpled. Eddie couldn't help feeling like he'd failed his spouse and kid, again.

Chris had been so worried and distraught by the situation that Eddie had kept him home from school for the rest of the week. Carla was around more often than not, leaving large portions of food in the fridge as a silent plea to eat. But truly, Eddie didn’t have much of an appetite.

Eddie still couldn’t stop himself from going to work. If he had stayed home, he would’ve gone absolutely insane imagining all the situations Buck would be in. He absolutely refused to let his mind entertain a possibility in which Buck would not come back.

On Friday, Eddie walked into the station and stopped in front of the poster that was hanging just inside the room, just like he'd done the last two days.

He traced his fingers along the image of his husband smiling widely, stopping near his birthmark just as the familiar dregs of anger lit inside him.  
  
Whoever had done this, he wouldn’t let them go. They were going to pay for every single bruise inflicted on him

The violent urges weren’t a new thing. Having seen blood streaked near the driver’s side of the car proved that wherever Buck was, he hadn’t gone willingly. It called on every protective instinct of his and made him want to murder whoever had hurt his husband in cold blood.

As he changed into his uniform, he kept his eyes on the photos that decorated both his and Buck’s lockers, wracking his mind for any clue or any possible angle that they hadn’t looked at. The blare of the station alarm took him out of it and had his hands flying over his gear to suit up as they got into the truck.

“Any new leads on Buck?” Hen’s voice crackled over the radio. Eddie shook his head soundlessly while staring out of the window, a steady pulsing pressure taking up point at the back of his head.

“Cap, what’s the 411 on this call?” Eddie said after a few minutes. His voice was weary but if he didn’t get out of his head right now, he wouldn’t be able to do his job.

“There was a party in the lot right next to the warehouse. A few bystanders heard a loud crash that sounded like a struggle, before they smelled a weird chemical vaguely like nail polish remover.”

“A potential fire?” Chim asked. 

“Very likely. Dispatch said that one witness smelled smoke as well. We’re going to have to work fast assuming that there is a confirmed fire somewhere in the building, but be careful. The police are on their way as well, we’re in and out after doing a sweep of the ground. It’s a large abandoned warehouse.”

“Copy that.”

The warehouse was definitely not abandoned. A police cruiser was already parked in the premises when the 118 hopped out of the truck, grabbing all the necessary supplies before approaching Athena, who was speaking into her radio. A large crowd of civilians surrounded the area too, probably drawn over by the commotion. Athena’s team was working to move them far away from the building, towards the large balloon-clad area behind them.

Right when he stepped near the warehouse, Eddie smelled it. The smell of kerosene and the familiar acrid burn of smoke. 

“That’s not nail polish remover, that’s kerosene. Could be turpentine though. Was this an art factory or something?” Bobby nodded, eyes sweeping the perimeter of the building.

“It was an art factory. Which means we have to work fast. Even if the factory isn’t functional, the fumes of paint thinner can be toxic, so masks go on and stay on. Bu-Hen, you’re with me. Chim and Eddie, take the back entrance and scope the building for any flames or possible victims. Let’s go.” Eddie didn’t miss the slip-up in Bobby’s command and by the unconvinced faces of his team, none of them did either.

There was no time for that, not when this fire could very easily spiral out of hand with all the flammable liquids possibly in the factor. Eddie and Chim ran out to the back of the building, kicking open one of the doors.

“LAFD, call out!” Chim’s voice echoed loudly in the warehouse, even through the mask, making the smaller man wince. They went systematically through the back side of the building, looking in all the rooms. Weirdly enough, there wasn’t a fire anywhere they searched but the smell of smoke was only getting stronger. There was no scalding heat either, which set off alarms in Eddie’s mind.

Once they’d checked all those doors, they made to leave but at the last second, a door at the end of the hallway caught his attention. The smoke looked like it was coming from there, though if not for that detail, they probably wouldn’t have even noticed the door. 

“How’d we miss that?” Chim reached for his radio. “Cap, we found an origin for the smoke.” Eddie gestured for him to stay outside as he quickly dodged the empty litter cans and wooden paint sticks to rush down the hallway.

“What the-” Eddie pushed at the door handle, only for it not budge. He suddenly had a very sinking feeling about this. He kicked the area near the lock, causing the door to fling open with a resounding bang.

The smoke settled like a haze over him, undistinguished due to the mask, but thick nonetheless. There still was no fire; the fog coming from a few well-placed smoke bombs around the room. As the smoke cleared from the tight space, he noticed a familiar red beeping sound, with a flash of a red light.

“Oh God, no.” Dread pooled in his stomach as he grabbed his radio. This was a set-up. 

But before he could say anything into it, the smoke cleared enough for him to take in the man strapped to the chair in the middle of the room.

“Buck,” Eddie whispered. His hand fell away from the device as his knees weakened. 

Buck’s normally hair was dark, matted with sweat, dust and blood. His skin was grimy from the dirt, tattoos covered. Eddie’s eyes roamed over his features, taking account of the bruises on his face, the scratches on his arms and face. There was a gash on his head, hidden behind the dried blood matted to his face.

His husband blinked at him with semi-conscious eyes, his head lolling loosely on his shoulders. He was dressed only in a worn T-shirt and thin pants and by the looks of it, he hadn’t had anything to eat or drink in the days he’d been missing. His clothes were torn in various places and from those tears, Eddie could see more injuries under them.

“Evan.” His name tore from Eddie's throat, disguised as a tremulous sound. Eddie fell to his knees in front of his husband before he even knew what he was doing, hands reaching up to cup Buck’s face. That brought him eye level with the bombs strapped to Buck’s body, ones that were blinking ominously at him with a single seven-minute timer on his chest. They were arranged on a vest, and bolted in place by a metal bracing that kept Buck squarely in place.

There was no scarier moment than seeing the love of your life bolted down to a chair with life-threatening explosives. All his army training flew straight out of the window as he began to shake in fear. Flashbacks from his last tour in Afghanistan pushed at his mind but he swallowed all of them down. 

“Ed...Eddie is that really you?” Buck’s voice was a whisper, dry and cracked from misuse. Eddie’s head shot up to meet Buck’s eyes. The eyes that were normally vibrant with mischief, but now bleak with unadulterated fear and pain. The shadows in those eyes weakened him further.

“Yeah. Yeah sweetheart, it’s really me. I’m going to get you out of here, okay?” His throat felt too tight for him to force words through, while his vision blurred with the tears.

“Cap, I’ve got a human bomb in the backside of the building.” That’s all the information he would offer before he went to work scoping out the wiring on the bomb vest. He steeled himself immediately, knowing that their survival would be dependent on him getting a grip. Yet, his fingers were trembling as he tore off his gear and began gently pulling the wires apart.

“Eddie. Come in, Eddie.” Bobby’s voice was sharp across the radio. “Eddie, listen. The bomb squad is on their way, I need you and Chimney to get out of there, right now.”

“Please, go,” Buck whispered along with Bobby, voice thin and frail.

Eddie shook his head as he spoke into the radio, a strange betrayal taking hold of him at Buck’s half-lucid insistence. “We don’t have that much time, the timer is on six minutes left. I can do this, Chimney isn’t with me.”

“Eddie. I know, but you aren’t equipped with any equipment to face bombs. If anything happens here…”

“It’s Buck, Bobby.” That stopped Bobby’s protests flat-out. “I can’t leave him here.”

“You have to leave, Eddie. Think about…” Buck let out a rattling cough that had the chair shaking. “Think about Christopher. He can’t lose you, Eddie, _please._ ”

“He can’t lose you either, Buck," Eddie whispered just as the timer hit five minutes. “ _I_ can’t lose you, it’ll kill me, Evan.”

“If both of us go up in this bomb, Christopher is going to be all alone,” Buck pleaded with him, his arms moving up as much as he could to clutch at Eddie’s shirt. Apologies to their son circulated in Eddie’s head even as he stubbornly refused to leave.

“Do you trust me?”

“It’s not about if I trust you or not!” Buck implored, using his grip to feebly push Eddie away. “It's about survival, Eddie. This can’t be the reason you don’t return home to Christopher, to the 118.”

“Just keep looking at me.” Eddie ignored his words and pulled his army knife free. Sending up a quick prayer, he began sawing at the red wire on the first bomb.

“Eddie!” Buck yelled in a hoarse voice that had to be tearing the inside of his throat. The fear was naked in his tone but there was stark determination to protect Eddie in his pleas. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the countdown decrease to four minutes. “Get the fuck out of here, you need to leave, Eddie. Please, sweetheart, do it for me. Let me go, Eddie.”

“And what about me?” Eddie finally yelled back, his hands not stopping their work. He swallowed around the lump in his throat as he locked eyes with Buck, who was now looking at him open-mouthed. “What about me, Evan? How am I supposed to walk away from you, knowing that if I leave right now, I have to live a life without you in it? That Chris has to live a life without his Papa? That Maddie has to live a life without her brother?”

“Eddie-” Eddie broke eye contact to move his eyes down to the next bomb, not stopping his heated tirade either. By now, Eddie was crying and so was Buck; the emotion had thickened his voice and made it hard to speak, but he wasn’t about to stop.

All the pain of the week came crashing down in the form of tremors and shakes. Silently, his mind kept on going to an image of the three of them, mere days before this horror.

“What if I was the one who’d gone missing for 3 days? If it was my truck you found with evidence of kidnapping? If I was the one strapped to this chair?” He urged Buck to understand, just as he yanked his knife to cut another wire free. The timer was still ticking down, now at three minutes. 

“Can you swear on mine and Christopher’s lives that you wouldn’t be here trying to get me free? That you’d leave me exactly where I was?” He could sense the lie on Buck’s tongue, his eyes betraying the false confirmation he had been about to give Eddie.

Just as the countdown rolled to two minutes, Eddie quickly rounded the chair to the last bomb wired onto the back of the vest. He pulled apart the different colored wires only for his heart to stop once he realized none of the three wires were red. 

Cutting any of them could set all the bombs off.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He racked his mind for a solution, watching the seconds tick down.

“Eddie. Eddie, please.” Buck shook his head, coughing because of the residual smoke. His voice held a bone-deep tiredness. “You have to get out of here, Eds.”

“Buck, no.” Eddie could see the resignation clear on his husband’s face, the clear sign of his normally-headstrong partner giving up.

“I love you, always,” Buck choked out as he reached up for Eddie’s hand. Eddie grasped it tightly, even as his mind kept analyzing the situation.

“I love you too, but I’m going to get you out of here or die trying. Remember our vows? Till death do us part, Evan Buckley-Diaz, I’m not leaving you here.” An idea hit him then. “I need to break this.” 

He ran out to the hallway, finding the metal chisels used to open paint cans. “This should do it.” 

Racing back, he stuck two or three wedges into the weaker hinges and applied all the pressure he could on the bolts to open the brace. Sweat dripped down his brow as he put all his weight onto the paint-can openers. By sheer willpower, the brace cracked open on the left hand side.

It was still not enough for Buck to get out of the chair. Eddie repeated the process on the right side, which was proving much harder. Buck was looking up at him with so much love and trust, even in his half-unconscious state. “Eddie, it’s okay. I love you.” Eddie’s eyesight blurred at Buck’s calm voice but he was able to make one last push to open the metal completely.

Immediately, he tore off the metal and gingerly gathered the bomb vest from around Buck’s body, placing it on the ground. He helped Buck to his feet, before they started stumbling down the hallway, Eddie having wrapped Buck in his turnout coat.

Conscious of the thirty seconds Eddie had seen on the clock, he picked his husband up in a fireman’s hold and raced out of the building just as the incessant beeping sounded behind them.

The world around them exploded in flames and colors just as they made it outside. The force of the explosion threw Eddie off balance and the two of them collapsed on the side of the building that was still relatively unharmed by the fire. Buck was still in Eddie’s hold, too weak to go far on his own.

“Eddie, there are fire accelerants all around this building, we need to get far away,” Buck wheezed. His left hand nudged Eddie’s, metal glinting in the sun.

Eddie looked at the ring he’d placed on Buck’s finger before tightening his grip on his precious cargo. He stumbled back out to where he could see the flashing lights in red, blue and white, along with the screams of people watching the building go up in flames. The hiss of the fire taking hold of the flammable liquids sounded behind him and despite the blistering heat, he ignored it all, focused on getting Buck to a safe place.

“Eddie!” Hen’s voice penetrated the pained stupor that’d settled over him with Buck’s weight over his shoulders. Suddenly, hands were rushing at him but all he cared about was getting Buck back in his arms. He crumpled to the ground while Bobby and Chimney worked to get Buck down.

The second he set Buck down, the younger man reached up for him weakly. Eddie wrapped his husband up in his arms, tears slipping free as he held Buck as gently and as closely as he could. Buck’s fingers dug into his back as he held on tightly, coming down from the shock of the entire situation.

He didn’t care that he was sobbing on a crime scene; all he cared was that the love of his life was back in his arms and from the tremors racking Buck’s body, it was the same for him.

It took him a second to realize that Buck was whispering something into the crook of his neck.

“I love you, I love you, I love you.” He kept whispering as Eddie kissed the side of his head, uncaring about all the grime stuck to both of their bodies. The relief washing over him was so great that if he was standing, his knees would’ve buckled under the weight of it.

“Eddie, let us check him over,” Chimney said firmly, kneeling down next to them. Reluctantly, Eddie lowered Buck back to the ground so Hen and Chimney could look him over.

Buck’s eyes flew open, widened with a panic that made Eddie’s eyebrows furrow. “Eddie? Where’s Eddie?” 

“I’m right here, Evan.” In an instant, Eddie was holding his hand and tilting Buck’s face to meet his gaze. “You escaped. You’re here with us.”

“Hang on, Buckaroo. Let’s get him transported.” Bobby came over, staggering relief in his order. “Eddie, go with him, and you’re free for the rest of the day. I’m taking you off the schedule until Wednesday.”

“Thank you, Cap.” Eddie looked around the scene to find Athena cuffing a vaguely familiar man. His eyes narrowed. “Who’s that?” 

“Chase Mackey.” 

Eddie saw red. If not for Buck’s hand in his, he would’ve absolutely pummeled the sick bastard to the ground. It’d been a year and a half since the lawsuit, Mackey had no reason to target Buck like that again. Eddie already knew what this was about - the millions that Buck had declined in the lawsuit.

“Eds, don’t. It’s over.” Buck’s voice was high-strung with anxiety but firm nevertheless. He looked back at him, every cell in his body wanting Chase to pay for every drop of blood he drew from Buck.

But his respect and love for Buck was far greater than his hatred for the lawyer, and so he settled back down next to Buck, helping the team transfer him onto a backboard.

As the ambulance sped down the street, Eddie grabbed a few alcohol pads and started wiping the blood away on his face.

“How’s Christopher?” Buck mumbled groggily. He winced as the edge of the pad brushed the wound on his temple. 

“He’s worried about you. I kept him home all week because he was so upset.” The younger man closed his eyes, sending Eddie into a panic.

“Buck, you know the drill. Keep your eyes open.” Eddie jostled him slightly. As the blood and soot cleared from his husband’s face, Eddie brushed a light finger down the scratches that marred the smooth skin, feeling that familiar rage. 

“I’m sorry, Eddie,” Buck whispered brokenly, opening watery eyes. Eddie shook his head, pressing his forehead to Buck’s. 

“No, my love, you didn’t do anything wrong. I'm sorry I couldn't keep you safe.” He swiped his thumbs under Buck’s eyes, catching stray tears. “We’re okay, babe. We got out of there. Now let’s get you checked out and bring you home.”

Eddie hated the shadows that were back in Buck’s eyes. He’d seen them during the truck bombing, the tsunami, during the lawsuit, during their recovery period after that. From what he could see, he wasn’t so much physically injured as he was mentally and emotionally.

There would be a long adjustment period for all of them after this. But they had each other, and that would be enough.

* * *

Against Eddie’s protests, Buck declined staying in the hospital, opting to go straight home after the doctor cleared him. The gash on the side of his head needed stitches but he didn’t have a concussion, hence there was no reason to stay within those lifeless walls.

Maddie had been so distraught the entire checkup, and Buck felt horrible for making her worry like that again. She’d brought his favourite dish and made him eat it all as they drove back to the station after his checkup.

Eddie glared at him the entire drive home, after Chimney and Maddie had dropped the two off to pick up Eddie’s truck. 

Buck studiously ignored the worry disguised as disapproval, feeling a bone-deep exhaustion weighing him down. He was so battered and _tired_ of everything. The lawsuit kept coming back to haunt him, even though it had been more than a year since the fact.

Mackey had hired people to kidnap him, and seeing him at a small grocery store with practically no one around gave them the opening they needed. He’d been in the middle of texting Eddie that he was on his way back home when three men had jumped him.

He’d been hit on the head, and knocked unconscious. When he came to, he was in a closet with the vile lawyer standing over him.

“Buck?” Eddie’s voice made him flinch. He reached forward to tangle his fingers with Buck’s, gripping tightly. “Are you okay?”

“The lawsuit was so stupid, Eddie, I regret it so much. And I’m still paying for it, with blood and tears, with literally everything in my life. I just…” He took a deep breath, rolling his lips into his mouth. “I don’t even know. I was such an idiot.”

“Are you _blaming_ yourself for this?” Eddie spoke quietly but incredulous. Buck stayed silent, hands flexing as much as they could where his left hand was stuck in Eddie’s hold. 

“No Evan, none of this is your fault, and neither was the lawsuit. You only did what you needed to, because it was unfair to you. Yeah, maybe you should’ve slowed down, because the rush could’ve cost you your life. Ultimately, it was your right to come back to work. The lawsuit was just a way. Mackey didn’t follow a single law while conducting that trial.” Eddie spit the name out. “All of this is his fault, Buck. And Athena’s going to make sure he gets what’s coming to him.”

Buck lifted their joined hands to place a kiss on the back of Eddie’s. “It cost me my family. It cost me _you_.”

Since getting together, they’d made it a point to work on how they communicate their feelings with each other. Naturally, the lawsuit fiasco had been a topic they’d discussed in detail. Yet, this incident put Buck exactly back where they’d been; full of regrets and apologies that logically he _knew_ they didn’t need anymore.

“It never cost you me, Buck. I…” Eddie sighed as he made a right turn. “I was angry at everything, because it was so soon. I need you and you weren’t there but I realized that you needed me and I wasn’t there either. Me not being there was a product of my doing. My temperament would’ve gotten in the way of everything that meant the world to me, especially you and Chris. It was that realization that got me off my ass to tell you that I am irrevocably in love with you.”

Buck felt his throat close up again. “I love you.”

He felt repetitive. He had repeated the words to Eddie every five minutes since Eddie had found him in that room.

Mackey had meant for this exact thing to happen. He’d set the entire stage up so the 118 would respond to this particular call with the threat of fire, but he didn’t count on someone finding Buck before the explosives were set off. The smoke bombs, fire accelerant, choosing an art factory to house him and metal-bracing the bomb vest to him had all been part of a carefully-crafted plan to sabotage the 118 for taking away his cut of the money from the department. 

If the squad had gotten there a mere 10 minutes later, they would’ve found Buck’s remains. 

Buck shook his head of those dark thoughts. Seeing them pull up into the driveway, Buck turned to Eddie. “I don’t want this around Christopher. I don’t know what you want to tell him but I don’t want to scare him.”

“He’s not going to want to know right now. _We_ have time to think about it. He’s our son, not just mine.” Eddie squeezed his hand and gave him a heart-stopping smile. Buck sat quietly as his husband came around the hood of the car to his door.

Eddie helped him down as they walked slowly to the door. Before they could climb the porch steps, the door was flinging open and Buck heard his favourite person in the world yell his name.

“Papa!” Christopher gasped as he came down the stairs to throw himself into Buck’s arms before Eddie could warn him to be careful. Buck ignored the pain and squeezed his kid tighter to his chest. Christopher promptly burst into tears as soon as he had his face buried in Buck’s shirt.

“Don’t cry, sweetheart.” His heart ached but words failed him as the pressure behind his eyes began to build. Eddie knelt down besides them, placing a protective hand on both of their heads.

“Let’s go inside, okay bud?” Chris sniffled but pulled back reluctantly, holding Buck’s other arm. Buck let out a soft laugh at Christopher’s determination to be the one to lead him in, despite being so small compared to Buck's size. Eddie kept a hand at the small of his back as the three of them shuffled forward.

Carla was waiting at the door and as she showered him in concern, Buck felt that familiar swelling in his chest whenever someone cared for him.

“I hope you were actually cleared to come home this time.” Her famous narrowed look trained on him had him genuinely laughing this time. He nodded at her, not having the energy to speak.

“He was, and insisted on it,” Eddie called out as Buck maneuvered himself down onto the couch. Carla passed him a glass of water, which he took gratefully. As he drank, he kept his eyes trained on the enlarged photo of the three of them from their wedding that rested above the mantle.

“Papa, shouldn’t you have stayed at the hospital tonight?” Christopher asked, burrowing himself into Buck’s side.

“You’re all I need, buddy. Don’t worry, I’m fine.” He smiled down at the boy, thanking whoever was listening that it was him and not any of his family.

“Carla, do you want to stay for dinner?” Eddie came out and laid a hand on Buck’s shoulder, almost as if he didn’t believe Buck was back.

“I would but my husband’s waiting for me, just as yours is waiting for you.” Carla winked at Buck before kissing his and Christopher’s cheeks, hugging Eddie and taking her leave.

“She’s right, you know. I am waiting for you, but I need to shower first.” Buck looked down at Christopher and made a face. “I stink.”

Christopher giggled and exaggeratedly pushed Buck away. He laughed and stood up, rounding the corner to his husband, who was still assessing Buck.

“Eddie, put the army medic away. I’m okay, and I’m _fine._ ” He stressed softly, not wanting to startle him. He knew that the bombs were a trigger for Eddie, and to see Buck in them probably triggered his PTSD in ways Buck had no way of understanding. 

“I know, I just can’t shake the image of you…” He trailed off, stepping closer to thumb the bandage on Buck’s forehead. He gripped Eddie’s wrist and walked him down the hall to the bathroom.

“Talk to me, love,” he prodded gently. 

Eddie took a deep breath. “When you went missing...I thought that I would die without you.” 

Buck sucked in a breath as he watched Eddie swallow and look him in the eye. “The past three days have been the worst days of my life, and seeing you masqueraded as a human bomb? It’s not going to leave my mind, ever.”

“I know.” Buck reached out for Eddie, pulling his husband closer. “ _God_ , I know,” he exhaled harshly.

There wasn’t anything else to say. Instead, they said all that they needed to non-verbally, standing in an embrace for God knew how long. 

“Do you want me to come into the shower with you?” Eddie offered quietly. Buck shook his head.

“No, it’s okay. I need a moment alone.” Buck smiled reassuringly at his worried husband, kissing him gently. “I’ll be back in a few.” 

He knew that both of them needed a second to catch their breath and process the day on their own. They had each other where it counted, and that’s what was important.

Eddie left one last kiss at the corner of Buck’s mouth before setting the towel on the counter. “I’m going to warm up the food, are you up to eating anything?”

He was still full from the food Maddie had brought, so he shook his head. “No, but you haven’t eaten so make sure you eat something.”

Before Eddie could leave, Buck called out behind him. "And this wasn't your fault. You saved me, and that's that truth." He knew his husband well. His words had a smidgen of tension bleeding from Eddie's shoulders as the older man turned to give him a watery smile.

Once Buck turned up the shower to as hot as he could tolerate, he stepped in and let out a rattled breath, finally alone for what felt like forever. 

The water stung his open wounds but as Buck watched the grime, blood and sweat filter down the drain, he imagined it was cleansing himself of this day.

Eddie was right about that; these three days had been the worst days of his life as well. The only thing that kept him alert and made him want to keep fighting against each round of torture was the thought of Eddie and Christopher.

He’d been so grateful that Mackey hadn’t decided to target anyone that Buck loved. With a sister, a husband and a son, all three of them would’ve been knee-jerk targets. Buck closed his eyes and let himself cry for all the fear and pain of the past few days. 

He had been terrified that he’d never see his family ever again. He’d been terrified that he wouldn’t get to watch Chris, Harry, Denny and May grow up, or be at Maddie and Chim’s wedding, or get the chance to welcome another child into the Buckley-Diaz family. 

There were so many things that he had to live for, it couldn’t all end with an asshole lawyer.

He’d known that his family would never give up on him, and they hadn’t. Buck had seen all the flyers and the distributions. A nurse in the hospital had commented about the sheer amount of lookout as well.

But nothing compared to the naked terror of Eddie being stubborn enough not to leave. In one second, both of them could've died, leaving Christopher alone in the world. Just that possibility of tonight had Buck quaking in anger, but right now, he was too relieved to have returned home. He wasn't about to chastise Eddie on the sacrificial behavior because when it came down to it, Buck would do the exact same thing. He would never have the strength to walk away from his man.

The amount of support he had this time around was overwhelming, but in a good way. During the truck bombing, only Carla and Maddie had been truly there for him, and then Eddie and Christopher. Everyone else had assumed that he was alright and hadn't thought to check in with him. Today though, he'd seen Hen cry with relief, Chimney hug him a little tighter, and Bobby and Athena had also stopped by to check up on him. It put a warm feeling in his chest, erasing some of the fallout from the last near-death experience.

He knew that with them by his side, there’d be a way out of these hardships too.

* * *

When he left the bathroom, dressed in Eddie’s clothes, he stopped short at the sight of Eddie and Christopher in the master bedroom. The child was curled up, snoring softly while Eddie was still awake, brushing a lazy hand through Christopher’s curls.

He beckoned Buck over, getting off the bed to come rub the towel through his hair. Buck softly groaned as Eddie’s fingers dug into his scalp. “Neither of us can stomach having you away from us tonight, so we’re just going to have to squeeze in together.”

Buck remembered how plain and simple Eddie’s room had been when he’d first visited the Diaz home, almost four years back. After they’d gotten together, they’d switched a lot of things around, but mostly the size of the bed. It was in no way big enough for two six-feet tall men, let alone a child in between them. The other thing was how empty the room had been. Now it was decorated in pictures of the Buckley-Diaz family.

Not that it still wasn’t a squeeze. Buck slipped in behind Christopher, the kid automatically turning to bury his face in Buck’s chest again as his little hands gripped the thin shirt. The bed dipped as Eddie gathered the two of them in his arms, pressing a kiss to the back of Buck’s neck. His hold was gently, conscious of all the bruises littered on Buck's skin.

“I love you so much, Evan,” Eddie whispered. In response, Buck pulled Eddie and Chris closer as he whispered it back, falling asleep for the first time in three days.

He was safe and content.

**Author's Note:**

> How was it! 
> 
> Leave me Kudos and Comments! <3 ;)
> 
> Original Prompt: Married!buddie where buck disappears, and when the 118 gets a bomb threat called in, they get to the location only to discover buck is strapped to a chair with the bomb rigged to it. And the Eddie being stubborn and refusing to leave his side despite buck practically yelling at him to stay away out of fear for Eddie's life.
> 
> I love all the comments you guys leave, thank you so much for making my day! <3
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr at [zeethebooknerd](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/zeethebooknerd) or on Twitter at [tkreyesevandiaz](https://twitter.com/tkreyesevandiaz).


End file.
